October 21, 2012

A Sunday in Autumn

Sunday. The end of a long, peculiar week. I feel itchy like I want to settle but I can't because there is a whole ocean of emotions underneath me. I think before it felt a bit like the waters were calm and yet recently a wind has stirred them and they are lapping at my feet and splashing around my ankles.
I find myself caught up and swept away in the tide of a moment only to find myself on dry land moments later, soaking wet and wondering with a wry smile what the hell just happened. Human emotions are quite fascinating really and their ability to wrap themselves around you somewhat suffocating, which is why I try to employ tactics to distract me from them, to lull me to safety when my head is saying 'don't be so silly' but some other compelling force is murmering 'just do it' and I brush off the voice of reason and betray my head.
And so it is that I have been seeking distractions. Some good. Some bad and some that don't bloody do what I want them to do!

My saving grace has been this wonderful season and watching with fascination as it changes dramatically day to day. I found myself in a little rut earlier today, took one look at Bruce the greyhound and we decided to put our best paws forward, despite the pounding rain.
I don't know about you but Bruce and I LOVE the colours of autumn and we adore the damp smell of stone and woodsmoke that lingers in the air. It's the kind of air that clears away emotional cobwebs and makes you feel clean again. Everything is so vibrant, desperately clutching onto the last blooming swell of life.
The orchard was quiet and very very muddy. We squelched about and stopped to examine the last of the apple trees, glorious in their rich browns and purples.
Abandonned apples lay strewn on the floor. Discarded and rotting with a sweet scent. Their final flush of life reaching out to us.
Since the last time we walked so much has changed. Like my life, I guess, which changes from day to day. The sight of a bush that has burst into yellow berries warmed me and pleased me. A sign to say that amazing, beautiful things can happen overnight.

Walking today removed wretched feelings and replaced them with quietness that has carried through to this evening.
I fully intend to make the most of the peace and quiet and cook a chickpea and lentil stew for my lovely friends. Until the next wave comes!
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