November 28, 2012

I Am The Sea.

This post comes to you from a plate of smoked bacon and a damn good cup of tea. These two items might seem irrelevant to some, but to me they are all part of the process of recovery because yesterday, I landed at a grisly, grey Gatwick Airport after a week long whirlwind romance in Barcelona. Romance in the sense of the city, of course, unless you count the intense affair I had with the streets, places and people as love, which I sometimes wonder it might just be. Anyway, the smoked bacon and tea is a way of eating myself English again.

I worried that it wasn't a good idea to go again so soon as I was still settling myself back into life in the UK but impulse clouded reason and within a few clicks, it was decided. I was definitely going. And so go I did. I ate, I drank, I caught up with old friends and I met handfuls of wonderful new people.

I pounded the streets, remembering sights and smells that I once so loved and I was drawn and compelled by routine to places and faces I ought to have forgotten about. But we all know the saying, old habits die hard. As I walked, I could feel the familiarity of the city wrapping me up in its arms but with the sense of something humming, something stronger, something I finally came to conclude as conviction. I spent almost two years walking those streets not really sure of who I was or what I wanted to do. Walking in Barcelona last week made me see now that my conviction and the freedom that I now have has defeated a lifetime of foggy apathy.

Upon a long train journey that ran alongside the sea, I watched the water creeping, swelling, rising and falling and came to the conclusion that we are all very much like water. We get caught up in currents, at times we thrash wildly and at others we bob gently. We all respond to the moods and cycles of mother nature. It is easy to lose yourself in something as profound as the sea, to feel helpless and engulfed by an entity that we cannot control but whenever I see that big, blue expanse, it silences me and reminds me that it doesn't matter if life is unpredictable or that waters can change at the turn of the wind. When we look at the sea, we can all see power. If we can look at ourselves this way, there is no limit to what we are capable of.
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