Oh dear readers!
I've been very quiet, haven't I? Even now I don't have a plan for what I'm going to write. I've just got a spare hour in my currently most peculiar existence. I don't know about you, but December was an utter c*nt of a month. I got back from Barcelona and all the exciting leads I had for work simply vanished in a puff of smoke along with that rather important thing: money. I spent the following weeks with my suitcase permanently attached to my hand to the extent that it is now a running joke (and bone of contention) among my family and friends. I've borrowed, begged, endured many minor disappointments (those bastard small things all add up) and washed my tights in all the sinks across the land. My toothbrush has seen a shit load of action and it's got to the point where I just want a little room that I can call my own. Where I can lay down my threads, my weary head and read my book in the know that I don't have some other place to be, no train to catch, no favour to owe and can just be by myself, to get through what has been one of the worst (and yet best) periods of my life. It turns out that finding yourself ain't no easy feat- there's no Disney story or soundtrack for that matter, unless you include irksome people telling you who to be and how to live your life or that you should give up. Feck off, yeah?
Lots of bloggers have written lovely posts about the highlights of 2012 and their hopes for 2013. I tried my hardest to write these things down but just ended up making myself feel uneasy and squirmy. I suppose this sounds a lot like a sob story. It is and it isn't. I feel a bit like it is necessary to write it down. To remind myself to just 'keep trucking' as some fair pal put it and also because I feel like it's a bit more human to confess how I feel sometimes as opposed to telling you about some fantastic little place I found with my friends and how we laughed and cried and sailed around on clouds of glitter.
I suppose if I had to say one thing I would like for the New Year, that it would be courage. Courage to keep trying, to keep looking forward and not be consumed by moods most foul and thoughts most plaguing. Courage to tell myself that things will get better and if I just have the strength to keep fighting, I ought to bloody well get there in the end.
*Thanks especially to all the people who keep helping, I promise you all love and cups of coffee when I can afford them.