October 29, 2012

Expecting More Monday

I remember a few years ago, and I think I mentioned this once before, but I had a very charming boyfriend who during an argument said to me "Sally, if you'd just expect nothing from me then you wouldn't be disappointed."
Well after years of carrying that around as food for thought, and sometimes wondering if he was perhaps right, I came to the conclusion this morning that he was completely and utterly wrong. I expect nothing from strangers but from those in whom I have invested myself? Particularly the ones who I spend my minutes, hours and days caring for? From them I expect kindness and I expect to be loved in equal measurement to the way I love. I'm not saying by the same methods and at all times, everyone is different and everything can be difficult, but so that there is a balance; an equilibrium. So that no matter what happens or where you are, you know that person is there for you. And the one you love? And the one who is supposed to love you? It all evens out. And whether the balance happens to be in favour of one or the other at times, that it will swing back into place again. You know that it is there. If you don't and they can't tell you that it is... well, that's a hard decision waiting to be executed.

As for life, too... I stopped expecting things after what was said but have now come to realise that yes, in fact, I can f*cking expect things but that it takes time and patience to reap what you sow. So perhaps that oh so clever person should have said "Expect things from life. Don't be disappointed if they don't come rushing but don't give up. They will come if they are meant to. Perhaps in a different guise and not the way you pictured them but keep hoping and dreaming and watch how your life unfolds without disappointment if you can help it but with anticipation and interest."

And so that is what I shall do, thank you very much.
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